Ng Zangpo
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sharp left curve nearly home, caution arrow points right. Will noone affix to truth? Guard rail often replaced, timely.

Saturday, March 27, 2010
deliberate. I long to feel more

Tuesday, September 16, 2008
I was misguided wrong but lacking trust, sought.  

Seek is dead, seek lives.  Did you see those? "Seek is dead" tagged on a dumpster.

Then it was some jackass named Evan, then icon... me thinking, "oh, the good old days... "Oh!"

it's fresh? ghost? it's engagement?

Feast my eyes

Tuesday, June 17, 2008
In the castle, there was a ball,
it was rolling, rolling, rolling...

(light glances along filament)

Thursday, April 19, 2007
Admitting two cylinders of disappointment

Cylinders the light blue of an office template

Monday, April 09, 2007
Vehicle before me
Khandro brushes her hair

Tuesday, February 06, 2007
Driving to work, a man of attachment
Driving home, a man of anger

In the disposable cup, that of my first day, seven years passed, a dog's eyes and bridge, upside down...

Homage Luminous Emptiness
Homage Indestructible Mind

Friday, November 03, 2006
Who is this person who changes when others are around,
hiding behind their reactions to his claims, insulated
by their presence in the challenge, magnetizing
against? He has a big hole in his head that's
full of scramble eggs.

Sunday, October 15, 2006
making myself useful to others
Katrina sent it
and I haven't reached it

more like useful to myself

but it was Katrina and it all was asunder

that it is and will be

Friday, March 31, 2006
Sadness and despair sounds in me with a rocking continuing rhythm pushing it all forward in a rollup of spacious bounce and fun.

This is the one-upmanship of the standard in itself.

Friday, September 30, 2005
A few hundred birds leave the heights of tree and school around, begin landing, and they scramble for a spot.

(I am at a stop light)

They leave again and again, but this time I see that they are ganging for influence in roughly two groups!

Sunday, September 12, 2004
Light shines through my ear. Brushing my teeth at night.

Thursday, December 18, 2003
Here's one about Bernie:

"Since we'll be want, to we, cure could be want, to be, forever be nigh, her..." Racing through thoughts like grain pouring, words manufactured by fear. "That blast was of, rather be cold..." The body compressing repeatedly, a giant malignant mechanical bird is in the corner: spherical head, conic beak, looking at the ground, dumb steel. Feet of hemispheric shape: flat-sides are soles with a thousand needles each on the wide tiles. Patrons are continuing their night of fun, looking around the room at one another, watching the band who's supporting a long introspective solo by "Dudy" that not many are following actively. Bernie's experience doesn't hear the band anymore, just the bird's strange, disconcerting song, a ringing textured echo. This bird surprised me in the shower of a dream like a palmetto bug roach joining you, your eyes are closed while washing your hair.

Looking at the bird's eyes, it is maliciously avoiding his gaze, staring still at the floor, taking minuscule screeching steps, head bobbing slightly. Complete ignorance. Bernie cups his hand to the bird's beak, and a crack develops in Theresa's rocks glass. She puts it down quickly and says "Damn Bernie, if I knew you were so thirsty, I'd have given you the whole drink." Bernie accepts this offer, and bends his head down to slowly soak up some of the gin and tonic with the tip of his tongue. Warmth and light passing through behind his jaw creating vibrations to his feet through the floor. The hideous bird is gone, shrunken exit through a mouse hole.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003
How to timeless. Busy with that. ~Timeless~

Ever talked to somebody one wind-chilled night and their face is full of rich vibrant fragmentary richness like seeing through showing something? I love that.

Saturday, August 16, 2003
A germ, a stirring, a will.

I'm using the body now, feeling the changes. The signs aren't back, but the words are working.

Monday, February 24, 2003
Google's souped up the blogspot ads. They're putting ads for dharma goods up there.

Saturday, February 22, 2003
blogging from the pda
mixing confluences I made the clouds go way

Wednesday, December 04, 2002
I removed my whimsy dig.

Decentralizing might be the way to go. Dissolution can be good. Sever some ties. Welcome defeat.

Monday, November 11, 2002
No signs anymore. WHERE'D THEY GO? Bring them back.

Friday, October 11, 2002
Start to approach the dissolution, a group of black figures appears. Been there all along, but they become evident when the "threat" begins. Then there is a glowing black net from down the inner cranial dome and behind the eyeballs. A lack of concentration but the dissolve takes place, symbol tragically as the net descends.

Later, a flow of thought forms in different languages outline sections serve as spigots � Our Friend manning the valves. The view is one flow or the larger network. Simultaneous detail is possible, but not today...

Thursday, September 12, 2002
OED word of the day:

third way, n.

1. A way of thinking or a solution to a problem that takes an alternative or middle course with respect to two pre-existing or traditional approaches.

Sunday, June 09, 2002
If you got here by searching for the name of an empowerment, you should know that a blissful path to liberation should be tread, not noted for later.

Tuesday, May 21, 2002
Torch passed, all-torch torch. Fear of what torch extinguish? You just get burn.

Tuesday, May 14, 2002
drawing what

Good. Try the mechanics makes.

Monday, April 22, 2002
A crowned, yellow-breasted bird tries to enter my office window. Taps and flutters to hover. Confused or playing, perching on the sash, showing the rich yellow.

Monday, February 11, 2002
japanese magnolias bloom ineffable totality good

Tuesday, December 18, 2001
On the ground beside a car in the dark holding the baby, hiding from the aggressors. Walking to the cabin she's pointing a long black gun silenced in my face. I hold her close. Wailing from knowledge of the sacrifice of a continent. Do they know it? Of course.

Monday, December 10, 2001
Cool out now. moving toward the holiday cultural now. Audio equipment Sennheiser headphones, Roland UA1d digital in.

Data in clean, converted to sound clean out into my ears straight. Toys Toys.

Tuesday, November 27, 2001
Saw Mulholland Dr. last Wednesday. Wonderful film. I didn't find it as difficult to follow as others had indicated, of course, I like Lynch. I'd see it again if I could, but it stopped playing on Thursday. I might make a trip to Canal place if they still have it.

One of the best parts about it is the structure. The latter portion of the film is like a receding. Hard to explain, but it seemed to be a simultaneous abstraction of the preceding portion. There's some touching stuff in that movie, which transformed the whole landscape of my experience -- quite noticably so directly after the movie.

It also reminded me of the importance of listening. His sound editing is the finest I've ever encountered in film. Meditation on sound is something I haven't done enough of recently. Too busy thinking about what I could be doing or what I should be doing. There's profound meaning in sound, and it can be a window to calmness, in my experience. Also present in the film is this idea of the invisible (sound), and the visible. Recall Cage's Imaginary Landscapes with the twelve radios played by twenty-four players; bringing forth these random transmissions and their frequency noises which are constantly present, but unseen. Mystery is found throughout the film, and reflection on death, concrete/illusion, sound/silence, Silencio, Crying...

It's just a damn fine movie.

Tuesday, November 20, 2001
Went to see Verdi's Requiem last night. There are some parts that are kind of obscene. He was, of course, an opera composer, and the treatment of a requiem requires some class befitting such contemplation. Some parts were almost comical. For instance, there's a part where the baritone sings with soft looming string responses: Mort (nuh-na) Mort (nuh-na).. Sounded like Bugs Bunny to me, but that's a different issue altogether. Overall I liked it, just as an exercise in viewing the public contemplating (more or less) death in the concert hall. And the general contemplation of the piece with the whole dramatic problem is interesting. Here's my notes from the show:

Eternum hopes for Eternum, who lasts in Eternum?
Display birth death fountain of emptiness, building crush
the collective fear of man
Oh, is this about me? Crying toddler.
A comedy of Christ? Doesn't add up to beans.
We're in it.
What about the genuine desire for good here, though?
High trumpet, "What to do?" "Where am I?" "Damn, didn't hit it clean!"
get our attention then Mort badum Mort badum, no more real than Bugs Bunny
Harmony! o my poor harmony. Snort (man behind me)
Grand sit down. (the chorus flops down, all 250 of them)
Brave Bassoon bravo!
Strings get ready to join the weeping singers like they're about to assassinate them with their instruments, get ready...
My villa! My beautiful stream and ornate furniture!
Grand stand up. Boom!
Salve! Salve! I demand Salve! (weeping)
Empty gestures, rumble of death fading to...

Contempt in all this drama? What for?
Unfamiliar enthusiasm can be a great thing. Poor approach with no stamina, but hey..

Drama of belief?
I was ending major, and it minored out from under me.
Sanctus! Sanctus! (loud and garish) Sanctus Sanctus Sanctus (skipping down the street)

Your concentration slaughtered. Agnus Dei.
Aw, yer sluggish flutes. 's okay.

The union of the man and the woman, do we know it?
All together soon.
Can't be bothered, wish I were home.
sad requiem of confusion, fugue and its disjunctions

Libera Me. Okay, everyone... ( du calme , du calme )

Wednesday, November 14, 2001
To People of Power: Okay, or do it your way and get the Northern Alliance to open up a large part of the country to substantial food aid runs. That works too, great.

Didn't seem likely to me a few days ago, which is why I should go back to doing experimental stuff instead of responding to the news.

Been spending a lot of time doing National Novel Writing Month. Actually, not enough time because I'm not sure I'll be close to finishing, but it is good fun.

Friday, November 09, 2001
Today is our 2nd anniversary. It has been a fun two years, and we still have the same open approach that we did then. I threw caution to the wind and decided to dive into it all right before then, and still do.

Of course, I'm only marginally successful in my commitment to non-attachment. For example, Three nights ago I do chod practice, offering my body and freedom from attachment, and then a couple hours later I cut my pinky finger accidentally breaking a glass, and part of me is angry and upset that my finger is cut and will scar. Although, in my defense, part of me was kind of intrigued by thesight of my blood and the fold of cut flesh, and trying to be consistent with the powerful offering and subtle wisdom of chod.

Wednesday, November 07, 2001
To people of power: Stop bombing for a while to get some food in. Help get food in.

Wednesday, October 24, 2001
I had a good dream during the empowerments:

Stacey was in it. She's a girl I had a big crush on soon before the wife and I started dating then got married.

I'm singing a song of primordial purity and she comes excitedly running to see me because she recognizes the song. It's apparently her birthday, and there is a party, by the pool, lots of friends. I'm standing around with them, celebrating. She comes back and she has a present for me in an envelope. Surprised that she could have had a present for me when seeing me unexpectedly, I tore it open-- laughing that "Oops I've ripped it".

Putting the pieces of paper together with anticipation, then I've got it together, but it's upside down. Looking for a flat panel to use as a spatula of sorts, I'll flip it over...

I woke up, and it was a nice dream. It's funny that I wanted to go back to sleep into the dream to see what the paper said. Also interesting is that I was feeling guilty that I should go home like I shouldn't be there, "have to go home to my wife", but it was like she was my wife. Not that we were married, but she was the same. She may have been a Dakini or Great Feminine.

Actually, Stacey snubbed my crush that summer since I was so fanatically intense about it; she was graceful about it though, always friendly to me. I felt accepted by her in the dream, which was nice. A dream, though, nonetheless.

Tuesday, October 16, 2001
Every woman I know gets headaches. I rarely get headaches. If I do, it means I am dehydrated or sick, or need to relax; so I can usually get rid of them. I don't have an explanation for why women might be more prone to headaches, but it is true that the ones I know all get headaches.

Driving back on Sunday was nice. Some car had a flat tire, and this 12 year old black kid goes to change the tire with this perfectcool attitude. Let me fix this shit. The trunk's opening up for him as he walks up, ready to go. It's all taken care of. The scape tending musical. Later, there's broken glass all over the shoulders in places, glinting pockets sun.

I'm studying Messiaen, who was a devout Catholic. He would use chords that included a wide spectrum of notes, and then would shift emphasis on particular notes within it to inflect different shades -- he thought of sounds as colors, which is very useful.

Wednesday, October 10, 2001
I've been imagining huddling with my family during night bombing runs. Awful, but I guess in history it isn't uncommon. There's that broken up sequence at the start of Gravity's Rainbow which gives the feel of it. Taliban public executions are available for viewing on the net, such a fucked regime, maybe not such a wrong campaign we're on. A field of destruction they seem to be with the al qaeda. Also imagining the whole nuclear scenario playing out before you can think about it. Time time.

Vajrakilaya empowerment now, missed the wang yesterday, the wife vomiting, but tonight I will see if a repeat can be done this weekend. I have a small phurba in some rice in my room from the last Vajrakilaya empowerment. Time to go in the rain to the center, I can't do that practice at my level.

Amazing clarity on Saturday night, but not from ritual, from material then it fell down to frustration that it wasn't there, that's what the material gets, but it was good. To D I revealed a favorite symbol, and I need a peacock feather to give to him. See about it.

Thursday, October 04, 2001
Baby is now also Khandro. Dakini, sky-dancer, etc.

Tuesday, October 02, 2001
The empowerments are wonderful. I think real power might be overlooked quite frequently. Since the last big empowerments I somehow lost my understanding of sublime beings and the literalness of Vajrayana. It's back. Direct seeing, direct listening. Last night was Hayagriva (ed. no it wasn't), who I would like a little more instruction about.

I found an alternate route around the construction traffic when there is some. It goes by Kaiser Aluminum, and Pinnacle(?) Polymers. The cancerous circuit. Only takes a few minutes longer, and there's some nice qualities about it, in that state highway kind of way.

Rinpoche says "New Orleans. Lots of ghosts."

Don't see much of wife and the Baby since I get home so late. I regret it, but it's only 18 days to go. They're coming with me tonight though. Baby's going to get a name.

Tuesday, September 25, 2001
Gave a presentation on Lejaren Hiller's "Illiac Suites" String Quartet 4 today. It's interesting because it was the first computer aided composition. There's a few blurbs on the web about it. Put simply, it generates random notes and subjects them to scrutiny according to laws ranging from traditional counterpoint to twelve-tone serialism. How well does this model the human capacity for composition? Do we pick random values and then guage them by the rules? There's elements of that. We can make choices to create exceptions to the conventional guidelines. Can a computer decide to do so, and would it know how to make a good choice? What's the goal?

I am becoming more interested in investigating the sounds that accompany Vajrayana practice. The idea behind music in that sense is liberation upon hearing. Sound as liberation, not enjoyment. I don't think enjoyment is primary in Western music's tradition. It is something more akin to aesthetics, structurally so as well. Can't put my finger on it...

Monday, September 24, 2001
On the way to the center last night, I found out that there is an extensive construction project beginning. During the teachings, I will be driving I-10 every day for the next three weeks, mostly at rush hour on weekdays. There are no alternate routes of any worth. It's like watching literal obstructions being erected.

Friday, September 14, 2001
Here's a letter to George Bush from the Dalai Lama. I agree with him.

I'm upset that very little mention of our history in the Middle East is on the news lately. Not very good with lots of calls for WAR.

I watched all day on the web, and thought that more attacks were forthcoming. There was a strange transition as the chatter started increasing, as the experts were brought in, and as the news prattled on.

Here's Hunter S. Thompson's reaction. .

Friday, August 31, 2001
The revelator project looks interesting and I look forward to visiting as it grows.

Any place that has a highlight on Blind Willie Johnson is okay by my book. I am under the impression that BWJ sang sacred music exclusively. I only have his "Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground".

I also like the images from the Diamond mountain. That looks like a good place to do retreat. Looks kind of harsh, which I understand is suitable. No expanses like that around here, except maybe the swamps, and well, the Gulf.

Wednesday, August 22, 2001
Preparing for the semester.

Looks like the Dharma center will be offering teachings from the Longchen Nyingthig and an empowerment of Amithaba. Very exciting. I think we need this push to re-excite the membership. These teachings are very special, and serious prctitioners should consider attending them.

Wednesday, August 15, 2001
Clouds layed out like a checkerboard across the sky this morning; a lattice.

Yesterday was dakini day. I had a good practice; regret not going to the center, because the rain was only short.

I've been reading a competent book on the Dakini and the feminine principle in Tibetan Buddhism. I was a little skeptical of it when I read the title Dakini's Warm Breath because there is so much obvious misunderstanding of the dakini. Just searching around the net, you can find traces of simple goddess worship and the subtle nicknamery that is so flighty. This book is a little repetitive, but it's subject is difficult so the repetition is useful. It's nice to see good scholarship on the dakini.

Monday, August 06, 2001
Working on "The Essence of the Three Jewels" getting the Tibetan, English transliteration, direct word translation, and full translation all lined up and neat. I don't know Tibetan, so needless to say, it is slow going. I'm learning though, having dreams of Tibetan characters.

Baby is getting big. She looks more like a kid than a baby now.

Tuesday, July 17, 2001
The tree outside my window has pink flowers on it, only on the top, it's coming along. Barkless, I never remember the name of it. Crepe myrtle?

Tennessee R + J used to call trees that sprung up naturally by "volunteers" which I think might be common. In sixth grade I interviewed them to know what it was like for them growing up in New York in the thirties. WPA and all that. I remember they had to wear stiff clothes, drying on the lines.

Thursday, July 12, 2001
I just waited for an hour to learn that Earthlink's customer service database is down. Now, they are a technical company, I would say. Why can't they post a short succint message on their recording informing their customers that they will be waiting in complete futility? They even refused to take a note and cancel the account for me later.

Earthlink customer service is abysmal. Let it be known!

Sunday, July 08, 2001
Baby got shoes today. Now she can be fascinated with her own.

An adult giddy like a child drunkenly asking for the again as it comes.

The clock on my computer is slow, so I experienced time delusion when I saw in my car on the way to New Orleans that I hadn't left right in time at 5:45, I left at 6:15. Everything seemed slightly orange, day and moon getting smaller and oh well, go tommorow....

Tuesday, July 03, 2001
Strangest thing, a hair punctured the sole of my foot. Thought it was glass or a splinter because I could feel it while walking. Playing with it I thought it was a wire that really looked like a hair. I pulled it out with tweezers, it just slid out, but it even had the lighter coloration like a follicle would. "There's no way that hair was growing on the bottom of your foot!" the wife said at my suggestion. How the hell did it slide under my skin?

Monday, July 02, 2001
Good weekend. Spent the day with D_l conversing. Epiphanies.

Yesterday to Bay St. Louis for frisbee and muddy water in the sun. Blotchy burns are irritating me a bit, but it was fun. It's been a long time since I went to a beach. Reminded me of Cannes, but the shallow water, and the eventual mud didn't make much for floating.

Earlier on Friday night, I stayed up reading journals from Paris and my Freshman year immediately before.

I'm having a hell of a time getting this image to load. Maybe I should get image hosting.

Monday, June 18, 2001
Watched Traffic and Requiem for a Dream this weekend. Two compelling drug-theme movies, yet both had quick semi-useless endings. Requiem for a Dream presented a more esoteric and plausible conclusion, even if a little questionable and dubious in regards to intent. Traffic's ending almost seemed ironic and sarcastic it was so perfectly black and white. If it was ironic, then how the hell is that more useful than say, a depressing option?

We were both shocked by the familiarity we felt in Requiem for a Dream's crazier parts. I remembered nights in my more desperate days, nighttime hallucinations from childhood, and recognized even present disturbances. The extended torturous sequence toward the end seemed like it was intended to be harsh on the viewer, but I found myself seeing liberation in it.

Thursday, May 31, 2001
Utterly vincible. My rumbling tummy, this stapler, that lake...

Noticed UV to work this morning, view space the indestructible.

(De -) Struere: L. to pile up. The heaps straight.

Tuesday, May 29, 2001
There's two places where at a stoplight on the way to and from work, that the one-lane becomes two. After the light it returns to one. So, people will line up in the right lane just to get from behind your car or two or three, to be in front after the light turns green. Some days it will provoke me to floor it just to make their efforts less fruitful. If they pass me even before stopping at the light, I will sometimes swoop around them as I know the timing of the green. In motion, before they even look up. Only once, I was bitterly defeated by some little shipt in a Ford Excalibrissimo who nearly ran me into a ditch just to preserve the pass he had so tactfully made. I gunned and threatened him the whole way up the street, and he needed to make a left turn so he stopped very hard to try to make me crash him. I still harbour resentment to this very day. He parks on his apartment complex's beautiful lawn ringed with spider grass he smashes to get up in the yard. Probably his father's building.

Most times now, I just let them go.

Monday, May 28, 2001
I'm burning through this wonderful book, The Testament of Yves Gundron by Emily Barton. Part of the first chapter.

Today I will make a Belgian ale. "Liquid Bread" is how Belgian monks used to refer to beer. I love Belgian white beers, but I think this one is more of a typical ale with high alcohol content. We'll see. The lager still has me concerned as it only made 34 bottles when it should make 54. I did fill the bottles high and it did boil down a lot. Still has me concerned that it has too much of the ingredients in it. Supposedly, if there's too much malt and sugar for the yeast in the carbonation phase in the bottles, there will be too much pressure and the bottles will explode. Big sticky mess, dangerous too.

I saw little banana trees in parts of the quad. Whoever authorized that was a fool. While I like the idea of ripe bananas for students' and staff's breakfast, those things are messy as hell when winter comes, they attract mosquitos, and are hell to tear out of the ground once you decide to get rid of them. I'll look forward to the fruits though. I guess it'll be a couple of years.

Chainsaws just felled a tree, shook the building. The oaks require a good deal of maintenance. Moss and fungus has to be sprayed off, rotten limbs need to be removed, roots have to be packed over with chips, assholes walk all over them.

Friday, May 25, 2001
Celui qui nous aide.

Wednesday, May 23, 2001
Smells like summer now. Nice since the cold front came through. Today is the new moon.

Monday, May 14, 2001
An elongated egg, something like a nipple on top. Crack it open, and runny fluid drops out, less viscous than water. Felt a little sick. Bad egg.

Wednesday, May 09, 2001
We went to an orchid show last weekend. Some were beautiful, but I kind of question the price of some of them. They only bloom twice a year apparently. We bought some baby ones that will bloom in four years, if we can keep them alive that long. We got one really beautiful one in bloom. The petals are already shriveling up a bit, but it might push out another.

I want to speak with some physicists to see if their knowledge of reality affects their behavior and emotions, how they treat the world. There might be a gulf there. Do they leave these perspectives behind when they drive on the family vacation?

Wednesday, May 02, 2001
Last night I went to see Jazz Mandolin Project. They said that they now know that this is a great place to play. I kept thinking of 200 Motels, and the wierd Centerville sequence. They probably saw us like that. "A real nice place to raise your kids up."

Where does this bring us? I was in a wild state last night, partially because I am sick. Bringing everything to light, you could feel it. Climax climax climax... I'm played into death, the player is sweating and serious--getting it. You could hear the music click into place when they'd remember to play into each other's sound, like one instrument. Girls whose boyfriends were not around dance closer and closer to me, and their boyfriends show up to nudge me, with their chins down, and their necks pulled back, eyes half-lidded. Throw their arms around the horny boys, to be tease. Didn't notice I was married, and mostly had my eyes closed. Big double-bass sound with clean intervals humming overtones on the verge of being overamplified. High feedback out of the mandolin. All dissolves, bursts of light.

Tuesday, May 01, 2001
Well, one Lenin has been removed already, although the wife says it doesn't even look like Lenin anyway. A friend is creating a Socialist party in Louisiana. I think a truly Socialist economic system is still viable, especially if combined with true democracy. I don't think it will make it with the name Socialism though. Too much anit-authoritarian fear like what cropped up in my dream.

All the cut-up machines on the net are gone. I am trying to learn Perl so I can write one, but I can't even get the test perl script to run for some reason. The people I downloaded from won't even troubleshoot my problem because it is such a joke. There are a couple of machines still out there but they don't work very well compared to the old ones.

I feel wierd like I am becoming sick or like I didn't sleep for three days. Baby had 104 fever last night, that could be it.

The drives from New Orleans are always a wonderful experience. Perhaps it is because it always follows good practice.

Thursday, April 26, 2001
Rust spots on that stop-light control box look like Marx, no that's Lenin. That isn't rust either, that's spray paint, and it says "Philo" underneath it. There's another at the next intersection. Had a dream about Socialists in US, I gave them some money and they got to power, only to rule us. "Here again" I thought.

Don't let them in, the tv told me.

Saturday, April 21, 2001
Baby fell out of bed onto her face last night. We have a pillow there but she must have bounced or maybe hit her legs on it before flopping onto her face. We were going to have pictures taken today, but since she looks like a child abuse case, no can do. Crazy when she falls out of bed, because somehow in the waking up process, you get a taste of her sensations before she begins to react. We normally wake up before she gets to crying. This time is the worst yet.

Friday, April 20, 2001
The fridge is not too cold to make the Munich Lager.

We are apply to graduate school.

Some here some there, trees swaying, bird flying, pollen floating
Incoming student is being overly gracious. Pleasant, but no real point to her visit.

Electric knife to cut the bread thin without crumbs.

Tuesday, April 17, 2001
What an awful close to the weekend. Pissy as all hell, because I had to do this and that, drive here, sign that. Yesterday morning was not good.

New beer soon.

First I ever even heard of an economic downturn was from the Bush administration. The power crisis sounds like it was totally controlled by the suppliers. They heavily cut production, price goes up. Sounds like the need for regulation is there. Free market.

Public opinion, what a crock.

Saturday, April 14, 2001
I'm skipping the easter egg coloring. I need some time alone.

Required to feel this and that condemnation. I am wasting the day though, with a computer game that won't run once without crashing no less.

Thursday, April 12, 2001
Corrupt. Needs to be fixed. Alchemy, error check.

Our faces on a silver sphere.

Wednesday, April 11, 2001
My sister got fired. It was coming for a while. My dad, wife's dad, now my sister, all fired in the past three weeks. Poor sister and my mother do not get along very well. They fight every time they are together, because Mom is always trying to manage her affairs. She's been running up her debt, although I thought she was doing well enough for most of it. I'll do Tara practice for her, if that is reasonable.

Tuesday, April 10, 2001
I have a distrust of mechanics. We just got both our cars fixed, and both cars now have new problems related to the old problems.

I read the blog of some fifteen-year-old girl named Leah from Texas. Her friends tell her that because she is Jewish, she is going to go to hell. They tell her this, they say, because they care about her and want her to go to heaven. What the hell is that shit?

Saturday, April 07, 2001
Finally, last week, which I've been structuring my work around for the past two months, is over. Thank goodness. I will still have fallout work to do but that is nothing...

The baby learned how to clap last weekend at Juan's Flying Burrito. We hadn't tried to teach her, she just started doing it at the table. She was really hitting her left hand with her right hand, and growling, like she was teaching it a lesson. Kind of funny.

It's twilight, yesterday we sat out at the festival with the baby, the music was not terribly good, but it almost helped the community feeling because you could feel free to just hang out with one another outdoors, lounging on the lawn.

Wednesday, April 04, 2001
"Is he in it? Is he in there?" I ask myself mockingly, laughing as familiarity pervades. What an offering last night!

I'm slowly entering the interstate, and three motorcyles zoom by at ninety in long intervals, New Orleans interstate no less. Exhilarating watching the bike and body hopping gingerly merged with the surrounding speed.

Went to the museum of art on Saturday. I was impressed with the collection and the traveling exhibit of Judy Chicago's work.

It would be fun if Metafilter had a rolling links option, so that it randomly chose from a list of sites you would provide for a given link. You would have to craft your post to include each possible link. Somewhat of a more introspective approach to posting for the poster. Nah.

Monday, April 02, 2001
Bars need more booths. It is too loud to talk with live music, and if it is good, I don't want to talk. Loud good music takes over the elements it plays through. What need for looking around to see who's hot, or dancing which can be good, or just being amicably moving just to put your friends at ease? I don't mind looking like a crazy person sitting next to a wall, looking at the ground, concentrated on the melodious din, at peace, well-drunk and smiling.

Friday, March 30, 2001
Busy, and repetitive. Might consider moving soon. I want to buy a house, better a duplex.

Tasted the beer last night, and we both like it. It is really good nice and cold, the carbonation worked well, and the flavor is rich and kind of tangy. Brown and cloudy. The bucket smelled like the beer, but when I tasted the beer, I thought it may have tasted like the bucket.

Thursday, March 29, 2001
It cost 900 dollars to fix my car's air-conditioner and alignment. Oh no. We could do without air-conditioning, but this is Louisiana, I have an 8-month old, and it is going to be very hot this summer. Good time to be poor, though, because it is tax refund time.

The list is of patches about celestial of our opposite:

1923 is excluded during the material it image nebulae.
The comet hunter has power in quadrants to the part thereto.
Nuisance material is in for a fix.
Own isn't correct.
All catching were a problem to all.
It's some blue.
We, a lack of few, have objects organized these stars.
Who found all searches?
The Milky inside motion, Edwin, the quality.
Objects these interpretations found because of objects.

Wednesday, March 28, 2001
Some idiot kid swallowing a knife showing off, crowd around him, time to go....

...Coming back with interference, there's a doctor, oh yeah, the knife. Will I make it? This is rough. Still here though. The in-between was nothing, and now I feel a splendrous texture!

Monday, March 26, 2001
I once read a high school student essay about doing missionary work in Honduras after the hurricane. They gave out candy, and brochures, and that taught him to feel the power of God's work.

Uncle Ray tells me they went to a church in Texas that had so many members that Sunday church was standing-room only. They had more television cameras than to cover a football game. Six weddings per Saturday, and double trumpet-row pipe organs.

Rinpoche's mother was in Japan, and she got bored after a while. He said that since there were no holy sites like stupas to circumambulate, and no prayer wheels to turn, she didn't have anything to do. According to her, Japanese people all look like they have somone chasing them. She would look behind them, but no one was there.

Friday, March 23, 2001
Bottled the beer yesterday. Came out to 42 beers, when it should have been 52. Alcohol content 5.2% I guess that's alright. It tasted like flat beer, so hopefully once it carbonates, it will be like actual beer.

Lama is really coming this time, tomorrow. Today I have seen so many students because it is the last day for them to come and get their administrative special priveledge. That's all most of them see, it seems.

Going home. My dad got fired. He hated those people, and he has a new job already, so it's not so bad. In addition, he doesn't have to drive for an hour every morning. I'd say it was a good thing.

Taxes, driving, my car needs alignment and oil change, all this stuff to do...

Tuesday, March 20, 2001
Leaning back with my head pressed tight to the seat, I felt connected to my car, and the whole display speeding along in the slick rain. Leaving it as it was.

Stupid now, not leaving it as it is. Lot to do, job shit slack not doing it. Fire in my skin though... warmin up

Monday, March 19, 2001
Last night I had a bunch of strange dreams in front of my house and behind my house in Houma. One included a bear, that my old friend Kirkland shot for sport. I didn't feel so good about him shooting it, but I didn't actively prevent him from doing so. Of course, it got all pissed, and Niel was walking with it, trying to calm it and playing with it. It got up and came into the patio, said "I want to see if you are trying to hurt me or not" and slashed all fuck out of my hand. It hurt, but waiting for worse made it seem trivial. All went black after and I woke up. Bunch of other dreams with kid shows and old friends...

It's funny because I was really quite scared of the bear, and didn't know at all that it was a dream, not a clue.

Sunday, March 18, 2001
That yellow on the left is looking bright, and the blue, kind of weak...

Fun weekend, my beer is conditioning (aging) and clarifying. Should be bottling by Tuesday or Wednesday.

Watched some excellent movies Friday and yesterday. Bergmann's Wild Strawberries, and Kurosawa's Dersu Uzala, both very fine.

Still, got all pissy because the baby was pissy. Anger stuff.

Friday, March 16, 2001
Every once in a while, I see a dragon-shaped cloud.

Lama is coming back to New Orleans today.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a small hut in the jungle, full of powerful items, intended for funeral preparation and practice. Someone very important had died and was in a box covered with colorful fabric. I had been there before. We walked by the water, big fan leaves and dense green. It was hot and humid.

Lately I haven't been practicing much. My retreat didn't ever pan out, because I wasn't diligent with it. I should start now. I have not been in contemplation. No recognition that this is like a dream...

I always joke with the wife when it is like this. I'll say "I mean, I don't even notice that this is all a dream, that nothing lasts." And she'll say "Jeez Mike. Come on."

Thursday, March 15, 2001
The next door neighbors' door was open. I shut it to banish easy theft...

Tuesday, March 13, 2001
The Surrealist compliment generator told me:

"Your cleverness ferments meat without the need of oxygen."

The airlock's bubbling away. The little yeasties feasties.

The professor down the way is talking about "purify" and "God created matter" ... "On the other side there's Aristotle..." ... "The republican party" ...

Monday, March 12, 2001
A little boy feeling to check his hair
Jealousy of one who was with before you
Rain falls the hour

It's the meaning of clums in the me of me
Determining follow
Stroy of the

Blast of tiny warm

Susan's wedding was a lot of fun. It was like being rich for a weekend. I think they had a good time. It was fun getting drunk and going to get poboys with my parents late at night.

I started making beer last night. I hope that it is fermenting properly now. As of this morning, I saw no activity in the airlock, but I think that might be due to the amount of space between the beer and the lid. I added the yeast at 83 degrees and I was supposed to wait until 80 degrees. I hope I didn't kill all of the yeast. That would be a tragedy after all that time boiling and sanitizing. I wonder what makes boiling so special in cooking things, and making tea. I guess it is the potential heat. My electric stove was far inadequate for this pursuit.

Thursday, March 08, 2001
I just read an essay about how this kid takes care of cows, and how the cows are finicky and not so bright. It is funny, because the cows will slip through the tiniest hole in the fence, but will miss the wide open gate when he tries to corral them back in. They will also avoid patches of grass right in front of them, but go out of their way to stick their heads through the fence to chew grass there. Comical.

Wednesday, March 07, 2001
My beer kit ingredients should be arriving today-- Don's Dunkleweisen. I got the bottles in last night. Ready to brew soon, just need to sanitize all this stuff. Since Susan is getting married this Saturday I guess it will have to be a week or so until I can get started. I hope the directions don't lead to some skunky swill. I have read that these kits many times need doctoring. I do feel confident though.

Tuesday, March 06, 2001
Last night, Damien and Andrea came to New Orleans. I realized that the qualities they brought to the Dharma Center have been lacking. They have such serious enthusiasm. Damien's studious knowledge, and Andrea's sincerity... I miss them. I got to meet their baby Ayana.

I need to work on beginning a group here.

Monday, March 05, 2001
Somebody in an SUV almost hit me coming around a curve in the rain. I look in the rear-view mirror to see if he got out of it, and I can see that it is rolling. Cars behind me were stopping, so I kept going figuring I wouldn't be of much use. Directed my mind toward pervasive compassion, and I felt bad the rest of the day, because I should have stopped anyway.

On that same stretch, last wednesday I was in shimmering clarity, and saw the crazy man with the black hat walking as usual. He used to dance and talk crazy. Come to know that he got shot dead by some cops who busted into his house. He charged at them with a bayonet.

High school shooting today. Don't know the details. 2 dead as of now.

Friday, March 02, 2001
desk is filthy. Neglect.

Thursday, March 01, 2001
"Let's go start the show, let's go start the show" Thomas Pynchon Gravity's Rainbow

Get out of my car this morning, and a young man riding a bicycle spits on the ground.

I came in early today because I needed to staple packets. It was quiet meaningless work sort sort sort punch punch punch the electric stapler, enjoyable.

Wednesday, February 28, 2001
I should be through with wasteful ~ This morning, the alarm on and off with snooze, the cuts revealed that city hall should be for sale, Bush spoke to congress about the recent history of presidents: There was a democrat one and a republican one... ~ The activities I need to do for work are mundane, but I can fix that, they need to be done ~ Some tension here this period in my ~ The tree of refuge I went to, you are reliable! ~ Concerned with meeting commitments of everyday life, and living well, and good decisions is the norm, I wonder about the frequency of contemplation ~ Do I know that all beings are the nature of manifest joy? ~ Does it change the fact that this is true?

Monday, February 26, 2001
I had a dream about Ex President Clinton last night

Went to Bacchus, and brought little seven month old too. Her first mardi gras. She had a good time, and she was tired.

How to make net commodity: release encryption of the subtle, into singular experience, or possessive experience. And then it divided everything, and then it worthed, and small thoughts it would have prevailed.

Friday, February 23, 2001
There are changes at my College, and no one upstairs lets me know. It just happens. So I can tell parents something, and then it will be different later. I'm the ass